One big reason we love our turbo minivans is all the fun they let us have, and we love to share great moments we've experienced in the past. So grab a snack, kick back, and enjoy a glimpse into the life of a turbo minivan owner!
Over the last 5 years or so I've read your posts about racing your turbo mini on various lists and found them amusing. Until about two months ago, I thought I understood your feelings when racing one. OMG was I seriously short in knowing how freaking fun it was!
A buddy picked up an '89 5-speed turbo van with a blown tranny. While replacing the tranny, he threw on a ported manifold and a used T2 turbo. Well, the turbo leaked so much oil he and some other friends said oil was rolling out the exhaust. Scary. He threw on a freshly rebuilt clipped T2 turbo I got a while ago and had decided not to use. After putting it on, the van was still smoking like crazy from all the oil in the exhaust. He asked if I could come over and take a look.
I checked compression and a couple other odds and ends. It ran a lot better and the smoking began to stop, so he let me take it for a spin. At 5 psi non-intercooled this thing flies! It was a total blast.
A couple weeks ago I went over to see the big NPR intercooler he had installed along with a grainger valve set to 12 psi. Again we took it for a spin. To quote Will Smith, "I HAVE GOT TO GET ME ONE OF THESE!!" Revving up at stoplights makes people look at you funny... then the looks on their faces when you burn the tires off all the way through 1st and into 2nd across the intersection is priceless. I can't wait to get it to the track.
Anyway, I had to tell you my minivan story. Now I know what you talk about. It's priceless.
HIM: "That thing got a turbo?"
ME: "Yeah, it's got a turbo."
The driver is trying to play it cool, but the passenger's eyes are as big as salad plates. The funny thing is, a block later the WRX turned down a side street and disappeared. In other words, he was rattled bad enough that he didn't even show up to race the Eclipse! I later apologized to the Eclipse guy, saying I was sorry I ruined his race. "That's okay," he replied, "I think watching you beat him was even more fun."
If I could have any costume I wanted, for everyday getting-there wear, I'd choose a minivan. Those fearing they'll be seen in a minivan have it all wrong. Nobody will see you. Nobody will even look. Minivans are invisible. Nobody wants to see them. They shed witnesses like DuPont's SilverStone sheds bacon fat. Give me a light grey one, a little dusty, and I'll get down the road beneath all notice. Ever see a minivan pulled over by the speed squad? Of course not. Enforcers click on interesting cars, not appliances.
Food for thought.
It still is my daily driver and only close local friends could tell you how often I race on my way to anywhere. :) I should not brag about it but I cannot pass up a race, twice today alone.... I am not kidding--I need help bad. My wife has stopped saying, "don't you dare!" at every light, she is actually numb to the fact I cannot stop. I often catch her smiling as an Acura falls way back and the kids try yelling questions through closed windows. If I had a small camcorder in the van I could have sold three separate 3-hour volumes by now. Nobody will ever know our joy without driving with us, you just cannot explain the bliss.
My older sister Cindi lives near me here in Utah. Her family lives in a basement apartment under her husband's parents. I go over and visit at least once a week, so her in-laws know me well. Mary, my sister's mother-in-law, is a wonderful woman reminiscent of our own mother (and she treats us like her own kids). She's the sort of person who thrives on involvement: she's always doing extracurricular things, working with kids, helping the cub scout program, all sorts of stuff. (How this woman finds time to sleep is beyond me.)
Mary works at Brigham Young University as some sort of manager head honcho. She's been there a long time and is well known among the establishment. Many many moons ago, Mary once worked as a school bus driver.
Utah is about to host the Olympic games, a feat requiring lots of manpower. To this end, groups all over the state are organizing volunteer efforts. BYU is a major player in the whole volunteer thing, and Mary in particular is very much involved in getting people to help out wherever they can. It recently came to light that more volunteers are needed to drive 15-passenger vans to ferry athletes from venue to venue. One of Mary's supervisors, knowing her bus driving background, pretty much volunteered her for this job (which she didn't mind one bit).
Every Olympic volunteer is required to go through some sort of "training" for their job, and the exact type and length of training varies depending on the job in question. In Mary's case, training was held yesterday (Sat 12th) and was an all day affair. They discussed all sorts of things ranging from protocol and diplomacy to locations of all the events, plus traffic patterns and all the 'secret' entrances for the vans to use so as to avoid traffic, etc. The training included vehicle demonstrations and safe driving techniques, held at an Olympic facility parking lot. The safe driving instruction was not to be taught by just any old teacher, though--turns out Michael Waltrip was there. That's right, the Nascar Winston Cup race car driver! He was in town for this very reason. As a PR event sponsored by Chevrolet, some of his driving was to be videotaped. (You can see the news story here; you'll need to scroll down to the January 6th entry.)
While the volunteers were waiting for things to get going, a PR guy approached Mary. They'll need a couple volunteers at a particular moment--would she mind coming up on stage at that time? No problem. But when the time came and they called her name, they didn't have her get on stage at all. Instead, she (and two other people) were escorted to a Chevy Tahoe and placed aboard as passengers. Then Michael jumped behind the wheel, buckled in, and explained they would be riding with him while the cameras rolled. He fired the engine and motored off.
Between different 'segments' of driving (the slalom, ice driving, etc) they came to a stop and just sat there, waiting for the media to reposition the cameras for filming the next portion. This left some chunks of time (about 20 minutes all together) with four people just sitting in the car, so they made polite small talk about various things. At one point, Michael asked Mary if she was having fun.
"Oh, yes," she said, "but I know someone who would absolutely *die* to be here in my place."
"Oh?" says Michael. "Who's that?"
"My daughter-in-law's brother. He's a big-time Nascar nut and a racing fan in general. That's almost all he ever talks about."
"Interesting. Does he ever race out here at Rocky Mountain Raceways [the drag strip in Salt Lake City]?"
"Oh, yes," said Mary eagerly. "He's out there all summer long and he always tells us about his drag racing experiences."
"Really?" said Michael. "What kind of car does he drive?"
"Some sort of little van."
At this point Michael's jaw drops and he asks, "DOES HE DRIVE THAT RED TURBO MINIVAN?!?!"
Mary--who has never seen the Bluesmobile but knows Clifford very well--replies, "Yep, that's the one!"
"I go to RMR on occasion for Chevrolet PR events," explained Michael. "I've *seen* him race there! So tell me--why does he drag race a minivan?"
"Well," ventured Mary, "he's single; I guess he does it to pick up women."
Her comment brought a wave of chuckles from everyone, then the conversation turned to other topics.
When I heard this story you could have knocked me over with a feather. While he may not be personally acquainted with me, Michael Waltrip KNOWS who I am. Gee--race a turbo minivan, be a celebrity!
Well, it rained all day yesterday, and the day before my overwalked (from LVD) foot was still swollen and painful. So nothing got accomplished on the van. I got the urge to go on street night with the heavy wheels, the mis-aligned rear, and no VHT traction compound. I figured I could just subract MORE than .2, and know where Mini stands right now.
I bought only ONE gallon of race gas this time, to see if it detonates at 25+ psi with a little less octane. So in worse shape than I planned to be at my next outing, I staged against a 13 second shiny black late model Camaro with a huge custom hoodscoop.
Camaro: .793 light, 2.20 60' time--Mini: .529 light, 2.04 60' time
Camaro: 13.768 at 99.55 MPH--------Mini: 13.183 at 102.52 MPH
Margin of victory = .849 seconds, a sound trouncing.
Here's a HOOT: my old all time record was 13.184!! Yup, a new all time record for Mini on a lousy night in lousy conditions, by ONE one-thousandth of a second! First run off of the highway after a 130 mile drive. Man, I was ready to park it. I know that I can come back on a Friday with aligned rear wheels and run 12's all night.
BUT, hey, let's toss in one more pass to prove she can do this all night long! Mini stages against a 13.1 second shiny black 63-64? Corvette convertible. This should be a nail biter at the finish line. I NEED to hole-shoot and out hook this Vette, or I'm dead. Oh, no! The Vette cuts a .508 light... but Mini cuts a .504! The Vette hooks up a 2.262 60' time, but Mini kills it with a 1.995. Vette boy is rattled bad, misses a shift, and calls it quits, turning a 17.590 at 51.39. I know he's not broken, 'cause he immediately goes back around and runs a 13.11! Mini's margin of victory over Zora's best = 4.408 seconds! Another 13.18 for Mini; she can do this all night long.
Chevvy lovers are leaping off of bridges tonight; DODGE came to town.
Needless to say, our minivan is the only front-driver in the contest. I can tell you for sure it was also the only completely-stock car in the contest. We wrote "Omniboy" on the side of the minivan to make sure the crowd knows it's the same guy with the 12.8-second Omni.
After the predictable assortment of Chevelles, Camaros and Mustangs it's finally time for the minivan. The announcer just starts going off on it. He's having a great time with lines like "This poor man has brought the family truckster out here," "it's powered by only 2-and-a-half liters of Chrysler Turbo," "The wife's in the passenger seat and the kids are in the back playing Nintendo," and "This four cylinder is out here showing the big blocks how to do it." It was pretty hilarious. And, witty commentary aside, it's always a riot when a nondescript 80s Chrysler minivan engulfs itself in a cloud of tire smoke.
Before the burnout the announcer puts the microphone in front of my brother's face and asks him what his strategy is. "Lots of boost and rubber." He didn't say anything about the 320 pounds of salt stacked up behind the back seat. With the salt and the parking brake that minivan was going NOWHERE. So for the next 45 seconds John just burns the heck out 'em. The crowd loves it. My brother stumbles out of the van holding his throat and pounding on his chest--very dramatic. He later told me that he had his window down and couldn't see the steering wheel in front of his face.
It's down to two finalists: a Chevelle and the minivan. So they have a burnoff. The Chevelle and Voyager line up beside each other and "go 'til they blow". Although the Chevelle made a bigger cloud the minivan made a pretty big cloud of it's own. The judgement went with the will of the crowd and the crowd loved the minivan. Woohoo!
Today, whenever you walk by the minivan in the driveway it still reeks of tire smoke. And that's nothing compared to the inside. Ahhh, the sweet smell of victory! (You can see the aftermath here.)
I pulled up next to Mustangs and Camaros and started talking with the kids. They thought that there was nothing good about a minivan, and they didn't believe that it was quicker than their cars, so I didn't win any points on speed. I told them that "stealth" was good about a minivan. To show them, I pulled off a big smoky burnout across the parking lot, and much to their amazement (as if the burnout wasn't amazing enough) I just stopped and parked right at the end of my own 2 black strips! The cops came and went by me like I didn't exist. There was still smoke in the air. They checked out everybody's car except mine. :) I was the only one with a hot hood, but they never touched it!
Ahhh, stealth....
I was just coming home from Auburn, MA, heading South on 395. I was cruising in the empty minivan at about 75 mph. There is a Mustang 5.0 pulling up on my right side, about to enter the highway from a near-parallel ramp. We are going exactly the same speed, and it's obvious that we're on a collision course. I have the right of way, so it's up to him to brake and let me go first. I can't move over to the left, because another car is crawling by me on my left.
MUSTANG BOY is not going to brake! He floors it to cut in front of me. I'm in 18 psi mode (13.9's mode) and I punch it. I pull ahead of MUSTANG BOY easily to his dismay. I slow back down to 75, but MUSTANG BOY wants to fly by me, so I punch it again and we have a serious race going on. My speedo is WAY past the 85 mph max, well over 100, and I don't know how fast I'm going, but MUSTANG BOY is losing so bad that I never bother to flip my boost switch to "high". After I blow his doors off I slow down again and he can't pass me, because he has no room, and is trapped behind me. He falls WAY back, must be going 55 mph. I'm sure I know what he's up to, and I'm right! He wants me to forget about him so that he can make a high speed charge by me. I'm aware, but I let him fly by at about 120 mph so that I can further humiliate him. I want to see where he turns off the highway so that I can drag race him away from the exit ramp stop sign and pass him while he's floored.
Guess what?? MUSTANG BOY takes my exit!! He turns uphill, toward my house! He guns it uphill, and while he's chirping rubber over the cement bridge that crosses over the highway we just got off, Mean Mini goes PAST him burning both front tires and charging HARD on HIGH boost, which I am now using (or abusing, as the case may be). MUSTANG BOY is totally humiliated, and we both know it!! I slow down in Thompson center to bear right towards my house and MUSTANG BOY follows me. As we approach a stop sign, MUSTANG BOY flashes brilliant red lights at me... MUSTANG BOY IS A STATE COP!!!
Yeeee-haaa!!! We're havin' fun, now!! I stop at the sign and roll down my window to let MUSTANG OFFICER yell at me. MUSTANG OFFICER just sits behind me and shuts his light off. I drive home slowly, and he turns off 2 driveways before my own.
He is obviously in awe of Mean Mini and has flashed his lights as a "salute". DAMN, that was awesome fun!! If I was driving a Corvette I'd be in need of bail.
Boys and girls, don't try this at home.
Paul Smith, 6/07/00 I went to Route 66 Last night, Slick Tuesday, Test and Tune. As Gus so well puts it, it was a bad time. I arrived at the track at 4:30 pm. Screwed around in tech for at least an hour, then the place was packed so I had a hard time finding a good spot to put on the slicks. Then wait in line for close to a hour for my first run at 6:37 pm. I only got to make two runs the whole night, for $50! ($10 per person, $20 run card, $10 for fuel) This sucks.
Anyway, I blew the hose off my wastegate control so I was unable to control the boost. (I lost my orifice between the G valve and the turbo). This happened last weekend, but as the maximum boost of the Enforcer 2 turbo appears to be about 24 to 25 psi (in stock form), I left it alone. I also installed Super 60 fuel injectors I got from Paul Fosen (thanks Paul!) as I was running lean last weekend.
The runs were made with a race weight of around 3080 pounds I am guessing, 24 psi of boost, super 60 injectors with 3 extra cold start injectors, on 22 inch slicks. The First run (which you can view on our video clips web page, follow link at left):
60' --- 1.869
330' -- 5.181
1/8 --- 8.020 @ 85.58 mph
1000' - 10.518
1/4 -- 12.651 @ 105.44 MPH
I was racing a 1999 LS1 Z28, and got totally confused. I knew I beat him BAD (he ran a 13.87) but I thought I ran the 13.87. I had to get out and check my shoe polish number. I was so excited when I figured out that I ran the 12.65, I got out with the van still in gear, aimed right for the track. Almost didn't catch it!
Anyway, Just to make sure it was no fluke, I pulled right back into the staging lanes, and was 3rd in line (in street class) and waited for over a hour to run! But now I think the van was too cold, she ran:
60' --- 1.911
330' -- 5.244
1/8 --- 8.085 @ 85.69 mph
1000' - 10.582
1/4 -- 12.722 @ 105.03 mph
By now I was so pissed at the track, I left! Besides, my washer and dryer had quit, so on the way home I went to Best Buy and loaded up the Turbo Van with some major appliances! (They had Maytag on sale!)
